I have so many topics to write on this blog which I planned. It´s uneblievable. But today I need to write something which is very actual. Because I again found out that when I worry and get in anxiety, it´s without a reason. Because I think about possibilities which could hapen but I don´t know if it will be so. So lets see the history, I invite you for a tour with preconceived ideas of mine. And I hope in the end you will tell yourself at least - Oh, I need to start not worry so much and just enjoy my life :).
Even before going to Belfast I was worried about lots of things. This whole semester was a bit crazy for me. I was worried about quitting my relationship and starting a new one. That was a good thing to worry about. But everything has it´s limits. And when the issue got solved, it was for the best. Then I was worried if I will be able to finish my courses this semester. I wasn´t a good student lately and then I also failed some exams. So I was worried if I will even have enough of credits to be able to go to Belfast. I was seeing myself not being able to study again. I hated the courses, I wasn´t self-confident about my abilities. I am convinced that if I wouldn´t be thinking so much, I would do much better in the exams. Worrying is slowing me down, making me less effective, less focused on what I should do.
I worried about my accommodation too, because I was handeling everything from half of Europe distance, I didn´t see the flat, I needed to send a deposit ahead, last days the comunication with the company handeling the flats was not so good as usual and I was hoping that today I will already be in the flat. But they didn´t give me a call. So I was worried again if I will really make it to the flat as I should and everything will be alright. We´ll see how this topic will end.
As you could see in last posts, I was worried a lot about living in Belfast. I heard lots of bad things, I heard a lot of rumors, I met a dead body in a street... My host here in Poleglass (the crazy quarter) doesn´t have a job. And he doesn´t even live much in his own house. He´s more in his sister´s house. And as I had some picture of the quarter, I was also afraid a bit of people here, not feeling safe. But today I really needed to see my mail and in the house I stay in is no internet, to go to center takes time and money, I was waiting for a call to leave the house... So I was a bit desperate and when my host came home I asked him if he knows where to get a connection. And he invited me to his sister´s house. So I was a bit afraid again, that´s what I do.
His sister lives with family 3 minutes walking from my house. She has 8 children, 2 of them are still living with them. And all people in house are playing some traditional irish instrument or play in some irish band. The sister also has 6 college degrees from times when higher education was free in UK. So she studied law, europian and american history and I don´t remember what else. But she invited me to spend some time with them this evening and it turned out to be very pleasant and lovely and I had one of the most inspiring talks in very long time. We went through topics like artificial intelligence, governments gathering personal data and where it´s heading, causes of war, need for armies... We talked about reputation of the quarter and how people are afraid of it even though nobody was there and how our prejudices make us criminalize innocent people. They also made me a delicious tea with milk and let me see my email :P. I had such a great and inspiring time there. And they even invited me for their family party, hurray! I went "home" with very pleasant feeling and for the first time with no fear somebody will kill me on my way.
As a bonus I got an email from a person who will acommodate me tomorrow. So I hope everything will go fine. (That´s the difference. Let´s hope, don´t worry. And enjoy what you have.) Sometimes it´s interesting to observe how much things are screwed up just because I waste my energy for worrying. And some people see it and give me well meant advice, but I´m kind of dumb in it. So thanks João for neverending support :-*. Start is to realise it, notice when it´s hapenning and then try to reconsider if this is really the time to worry. So lets go for another day!
And don´t forget, guys...
Let´s hope, don´t worry!
PS: I think there are 2 kinds of hope. Anxious hope that nothing bad will hapen (that´s worrying too) and positive hope for something epic in your future. I mean the second one :-P.
Motto of the day: Sometimes we close our eyes and don´t see the good stuff around just because some stupid idea was planted in our head. Open your eyes, look up to the sky and see :)
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