Often people talk about Erasmus like one big party and rich sexual experience. That doesn't sound much romantic. Actually a lot of people is coming to Erasmus and they have girlfriend or boyfriend back home or elsewhere. So the goal of going for Erasmus is not primarily in finding your "irish friend". Here you have lots of fun, lots of things are hapenning, you are surrounded by many exotic, interesting, new and amazing people. And every heart is meant to love. So it is easy to fall in love here or just enjoy the fact others desire some tenderness in their life too. Relationships are a big topic here. It is obvious because long distance is always something a bit different than living somewhat together. And here everybody in relationship is long distence except the ones who found their counter-part here. So I wanted to write some post about this topic too. Last week I was thinking about the long distance relationships a lot. Also I repeatedly received article claiming more than a million babies came to life thanks to Erasmus. So I decided now is the time to write all of it down.
I have some experience with long distance realtionships. And now my boyfriend is in Berlin, so I still have plenty of experience. But the distance is relative. Today I read in an article nice quote, that even when people are next to each other, they can be further away than other 2 people separated by half of the world. Even though it can be true, you have to admit that when you're chinese studying in UK and your boyfriend is in China, it is not much helping. The distance is connected with other practical stuff which can be complicating like different time zones (+8 hours is for me kind of unimaginable) and possibility to see each other (one-way flight to see your darling for 500 euros? Why not...). So even though for french people it can be hard too, to see each other once in a month, my Malaysian friend will see her boyfriend in September. And that's kind of difference. And it makes me feel good because Berlin suddenly seems like a piece of cake :). I know I'm a mean person, but seeing your misery is much easier than anyone else's is so sweet :-D.
I don't know how others are influenced by not seeing their boyfriend or girlfriend for a long time. So I will talk about things I can see on myself. For example when you are not with your partner, you miss him. And you are not able to experience everything which belongs to the "normal" relationship. Like only physical presence. Because having a partner is not only about doing things or talking. Sometimes just knowing he's here is enough to be happy. And sometimes without any contact the distance make the gaps and differences between you more visible. Sometimes I am even more fatalistic when I see some imperfection, partialy because when you are further away it is more complicated to work on them or just accept the fact that the differences are normal and healthy.
Thank god we're living in the era of internet. I wouldn't like to send a romance letters through pigeons. Anyway, it is hard to meet a pigeon here, moreover to catch it. But we have now emails, facebook, what's app or skype available. So it is not hard to find a way how to talk to each other, even see each other or have diner together. On the other hand internet can cause troubles too because it creates a lot of space for misinterpretation. And as my wise friend notted: "When I'm in the mood I just interpret everything as I want." This people do in normal lives, via internet it's even easier.
Internet enables us to talk. We need to talk about serious stuff, about how we feel about this distance, how we feel in everyday life, we need to talk about fun stuff, we need to talk without any purpose, just because we like to talk together, we need to talk. It helps and it makes the feelings alive and vivid. And sometimes you need to be in silence too. Somewhat I find myself with more difficulties to truly listen when I talk online. Because practicaly you are talking towards a machine where things beep and sometimes it freezes, and sometimes the feeling of talk is just totaly different than in person... But internet is amazing and we should use it fully to get through the distance. It reminds you of these nice things like how you like his smile, or his face when he is thinking, or how he dance singing sailor's songs. Whatever. Internet is a powerful tool. And even though some people like to say it keeps people further away or socialy isolated, it has a great power to connect people too.
Believe it or not, the distance can have positive effects too. It is a matter of trust. You must be able to trust your partner, he must trust you and you should accept he's trusting you. That's actually something different. But if you see it is working, you can feel much more comfortable. Trust is giving you solid ground, trust is contradiction of fear. If you don't trust each other, it only causes troubles. And if you have partner who worth it, it's easy to give him your trust. As always, we have our up and downs. But the trust is also way out of the down part. And imagine how it will strenghten you if you will get through this :). Going study or work abroad or just to another part of country is a step to unknown space. And the trust (or faith if you want) is what helps you to do the step in the first place.
As I was writting in the "To Live or to Party" post, sometimes I am too driven by the noise and action around me. And relationship can offer the time and space to slow down, calm down, settle a bit. For me it also comes with a question of what identifies me and what brings me joy, what I miss and what I need. So sometimes I need fun and action outside the dorms, sometimes I need them just with my computer and a person in the sky(pe).
It is interesting how at home it is sometimes surprising and considered so hard to have your boyfriend just in a capital city Prague, or in some other part of the Czech Republic. But as you can see. There are much more crazy long distance relationships, like from UK to China. And they can work :).
Motto of the day: Love moves mountains. (Láska hory přenáší.) czech proverb
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